A recipe, a formula, or a theory of real happiness
Probably the only question that left a mark in my life, after listening to lectures and still living in my head, why did someone decide that they had the right to divide things into right and wrong, and in general, who instilled in us this awareness that we should listen to society?
For me, at least, it was incredibly interesting to learn that despite the different ways of manifestation, our theories are very close to each other, both in the United States and in countries near and far abroad.
Each of us builds certain boundaries for himself and his family, his environment. I was incredibly hooked by the example of three different houses, so fiercely discussed at the lecture.
Giving as an example one of the houses with a built fence, whose owners are possibly closed from society. The second, whose space was open so much that it was not unpleasant for people around to be there, but the discomfort came precisely from the fact that the owners were so open that they were not afraid to get burned by getting a knife of betrayal in the back. But the third one didn't seem to portend anything bad, but it just looked so nice and neat that it seemed that there was not much communication in this family and apparently there were no solutions to problems either.
One of the aspects that really made me think about this theory was the fact that people are not trying to change anything. They have a house, and in all these situations it is the same. Yes, people are different, but that is why the perception of theories, universal beliefs, and, in principle, reality is different. Someone is ready to grow, change, build a new fence or demolish an old one, plant a garden or build a booth for their beloved pet. And for someone it's just convenient to stay in their comfort zone.
I am a girl who grew up in a family with one mother, whose attention was quite strongly focused on work. Did we spend a lot of time together? I'll tell you this - no, but everything that is not being done is being done for the better, right? This is a life experience that hardens each of us as a person, even if too much. But one who wants to change something in destiny, builds a new family model.
And if we talk about reasoning, then I have been thinking for a long time why it is so easy for us to talk about mistakes, whether they are our own or someone else's, but at the same time it is not easy for us to change something, to start building anew, our house, our family, our rules and theories. And that's probably why I created a small list of steps that I think can be taken to find a way to family happiness.
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One of which is to remember that being open is good, but openness and permissiveness are different things, your personal life is your personal, something you can talk about with him or her, something intimate that should concern you two, but no one else, HAPPINESS should be quiet. Remember!
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The second, most likely - do not be afraid of changes! Yes, maybe once upon a time all these theories and rules were laid down in your family as a foundation, but if it only brought difficulties, why not take and change your view of this situation. If you can't change the situation, change your attitude to it, try to get out of your comfort zone, start building the very rules that will be comfortable not only for you, but also for your family, communicate!
-//-
Next, undoubtedly listen to your children, or at least try to objectively explain your point of view why you think this is the right decision. The rules are the rules, but it is important for the child to understand that his opinion is important, it's just that sometimes you need to find the very compromise, and not show with your eyes from the outside that what he is doing at the moment does not meet your expectations at all, and even more ideas of others.
-//-
And of course the latter, but definitely not by value. Don't try to be PERFECT! It is unlikely that anything good will come out of this, except for a spoiled nervous system. Yes, there are a lot of couples and families around whose relationships seem to be a role model, but why not just sit down and think about which one of these examples you could add to your family life, and what new things you could create to feel not like an ideal father or mother, but first of all a happy person, needed by his family and, first of all, by his beloved spouse and children!
-//-
Probably the only question that left a mark in my life, after listening to lectures and still living in my head, why did someone decide that they had the right to divide things into right and wrong, and in general, who instilled in us this awareness that we should listen to society?
For me, at least, it was incredibly interesting to learn that despite the different ways of manifestation, our theories are very close to each other, both in the United States and in countries near and far abroad.
Each of us builds certain boundaries for himself and his family, his environment. I was incredibly hooked by the example of three different houses, so fiercely discussed at the lecture.
Giving as an example one of the houses with a built fence, whose owners are possibly closed from society. The second, whose space was open so much that it was not unpleasant for people around to be there, but the discomfort came precisely from the fact that the owners were so open that they were not afraid to get burned by getting a knife of betrayal in the back. But the third one didn't seem to portend anything bad, but it just looked so nice and neat that it seemed that there was not much communication in this family and apparently there were no solutions to problems either.
One of the aspects that really made me think about this theory was the fact that people are not trying to change anything. They have a house, and in all these situations it is the same. Yes, people are different, but that is why the perception of theories, universal beliefs, and, in principle, reality is different. Someone is ready to grow, change, build a new fence or demolish an old one, plant a garden or build a booth for their beloved pet. And for someone it's just convenient to stay in their comfort zone.
I am a girl who grew up in a family with one mother, whose attention was quite strongly focused on work. Did we spend a lot of time together? I'll tell you this - no, but everything that is not being done is being done for the better, right? This is a life experience that hardens each of us as a person, even if too much. But one who wants to change something in destiny, builds a new family model.
And if we talk about reasoning, then I have been thinking for a long time why it is so easy for us to talk about mistakes, whether they are our own or someone else's, but at the same time it is not easy for us to change something, to start building anew, our house, our family, our rules and theories. And that's probably why I created a small list of steps that I think can be taken to find a way to family happiness.
-//-
One of which is to remember that being open is good, but openness and permissiveness are different things, your personal life is your personal, something you can talk about with him or her, something intimate that should concern you two, but no one else, HAPPINESS should be quiet. Remember!
-//-
The second, most likely - do not be afraid of changes! Yes, maybe once upon a time all these theories and rules were laid down in your family as a foundation, but if it only brought difficulties, why not take and change your view of this situation. If you can't change the situation, change your attitude to it, try to get out of your comfort zone, start building the very rules that will be comfortable not only for you, but also for your family, communicate!
-//-
Next, undoubtedly listen to your children, or at least try to objectively explain your point of view why you think this is the right decision. The rules are the rules, but it is important for the child to understand that his opinion is important, it's just that sometimes you need to find the very compromise, and not show with your eyes from the outside that what he is doing at the moment does not meet your expectations at all, and even more ideas of others.
-//-
And of course the latter, but definitely not by value. Don't try to be PERFECT! It is unlikely that anything good will come out of this, except for a spoiled nervous system. Yes, there are a lot of couples and families around whose relationships seem to be a role model, but why not just sit down and think about which one of these examples you could add to your family life, and what new things you could create to feel not like an ideal father or mother, but first of all a happy person, needed by his family and, first of all, by his beloved spouse and children!
-//-
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